Wednesday’s Words-F*ck your Birth Plan.

F*ck your Birth Plan…and any other plan you have after conception.

I absolutely respect and love that women want to create a Birth Plan. When I was first pregnant I immediately began reading books to figure out what research supported what and what felt the most true. We began with a traditional OBGYN but after unnecessary ultra-sounds, unnecessary blood tests without being told the purpose of the pokes, we decided to bounce and look for another solution. We soon found an amazing, freaking amazing midwife by the name of Robyn Pool at PUSH Midwifery . After speaking with Robyn along with my experience with the OBGYN, I realized things were far more out of my control than I initially imagined. I came to terms with having control over my breath, over my diet, my preparation, my mindset, but not necessarily the way labor was going to progress. Birthing is natural yes, and you can say that all you want. I hear it all the time, “Our bodies are meant to give birth.” Yes, absolutely— but we just don’t function from that primal part of our brain as easily anymore. We overthink our actions, we overthink everything, we impact the way labor progresses. We don’t know what our bodies are going to do or what our babies are going to do.

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Hours into labor, my water still had not broken. I thought it would be the first thing to break. Little did I know.

 

We don’t know what our bodies are going to do from the point of conception. We don’t know if we will have nausea, varicose veins, complete exhaustion, or no symptoms at all. We are at the mercy of that babe, for the most part. That babe is going to control the shit out of our lives, whether you like it or not. You think you’re going to go out for coffee? Oh wait, you’re too nauseous. Maybe go on a nice hike? Nope, you are having way too many Braxton Hicks contractions. Gotta slow down. As it gets closer to your due date, which is a tease; you don’t have a clue when labor is going to start, or how things are going to go down. Will your water break? Mucous plug? Oh wait, you empty your body out…like unload in the toilet more than usual? Even if you schedule a C-section, you just don’t know what is going to happen or if your doctor will even be able to show up.

Surrender. Surrender to the lack of control you have when labor begins to progress and how they begin to progress. Take control over how you control your mind, your body, your emotions. Prepare yourself, your family and your home to make you feel the most comfortable, no matter what happens in or out of the hospital. Take control over the relationships you have with the people that will be attending your birth. Make sure you trust your caregiver to make the best decision they can in your favor. Make sure there is someone there who will speak on your behalf. Hire a doula, call your best friend, sister, mother, whoever it is that knows you and your husband best and can support you and your decisions to the best of their ability as things get intense and if shit really hits the fan. A Birth Plan aims to control, but with trust in those around you during labor and birth, the need for control dwindles. That is when you can fully engage in your experience. That is when you can breathe and sink into those contractions. When you feel confident in the IV in your arm and the epidural in your back. In that moment you trust those you love are helping the process go as best as possible, for you and your family. Trust yourself. What matters is in that moment. Every contraction, every push, prepare yourself for those moments, not to follow a birth plan.

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I didn’t think I would leave my daughter after birth. There was no way I was going to hold her while getting sutured. It was better this way.

As mother’s we know there is no plan. When you think you have a great day planned, something will fall out of line. That is life with a baby. That is life with children. In-utero and out of utero. This is life now.

To my soon to be mamas. Find a way to let go of control of the situation. That baby in your belly has it’s own timeline. It doesn’t matter what you do. Do the best you can and get used to the chaos. It is going to get real!

Share your stories Mamas!! They help us all get through the day to day in mother-hoodlum as a mother-hoodlum!!

Remember our goals are all the same. Healthy, happy kiddos.

With love on a Wednesday and everyday,

Raffi

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