My Breast Ran Away

My breast is playing hide and seek. Except I’ve been seeking and I’m pretty sure it just said, “Fuck it” and ran off. I’m sure a handful of you mamas out there feel the same. I really hope so. Not because I want you to have lopsided boobs but because I’d really like to laugh with you.

I was super excited to get some voluptuous breasts while pregnant. Like, super excited. I’ve always been considered “flat”. I’m not offended by the term. Not that I think people should be calling each other names based on their body parts, but I fully accepted the size of my breasts. As a sprinter and athlete, it worked in my favor. I also could wear super low shirts with pretty lace bras and not look provocative. At least I liked to think so. Then pregnancy hit, you ladies know what I’m talking about!! You small breasted beauties definitely know the feeling of, “Damn, girls!!”.

Then baby came along, and the milk kicked in. I didn’t think I could be more impressed by my breasts. I soon realized “impressed” could be taken two ways. Negatively impressed and positively impressed. When my milk first “let down”, I was impressed. Impressed at the pins and needles that filled my breasts as the milk squirted out. Impressed, when I got mastitis for the first time and fell sick to my knees. How could breasts make you so sick? How could the production of milk make you so sick?


Then months pass, months and months pass of you feeding your little precious boy or girl. So sweet. Until one breast says to the other, “You got this girl? I’m out.” Either that or my daughter sucked my mammary gland out while nursing, or she’s leaned all her weight on it so much that my breast tissue has just dissolved into a million pieces and is gone. That’s right, my breast is gone. I’m aware that’s not plural. I’m totally cool with it. I look like two different people. And you guessed it, my nipple sizes match. I mean, don’t get me wrong there is not a five inch difference between my nipples or anything, but there is a slight difference, maybe a little more than slight. I would apologize for TMI (too much information) but I clearly don’t believe in that.

Luckily, my husband thinks I’m a babe with either size breasts, oh wait, I mean both size breasts. Now, I get the best of both worlds. Nice and full and oh so flat. The issue isn’t the size, it’s more so of finding bras and bathing suits that fit. Either one nipple hangs out or one side slides off. I love a good challenge. Who knows, maybe our next little boob sucker will favor my itty-bitty-titty and even things out.

Cheers to breasts of all sizes,


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