My family and I are currently on vacation. We are halfway through and it is only until today that we have much down time. We have flown across country, driven to the South for a wedding, driven back North, visited friends in different states and are staying with family. Luckily the house is just a few yards away from the beach so we don’t have to trav far to get to the sun and salt.
I have found that it is incredibly hard to relax, especially while on vacation. I think I am more relaxed when I am at home and our girl is asleep, even though I know she will soon wake up.
With all the traveling it has taken my daughter four days to pass a bowel movement. Just like we get clogged up during travel, she got clogged up. We have been in the car and on an airplane for over 24 hours at the point. Though we are visiting family and I do feel that this is home, I can’t quite relax when my daughter hasn’t pooped in days. (And yes, I have tried it all.) Today, she decided to find some rocks and lick them, then attempt to hide them in her mouth along with some blunt seashells. I did not relax. Chasing after a one year old while pregnant and still having that sickness that is not limited to the morning, does not allow me to relax.
What it does allow me to do is be happy. For the first time in a while, my husband and I are able to parent together. We are able to spend time together as a family. Our schedules limit that when we are back in LA. Aha, but I said I relax at home, right? Raising children doesn’t quite allow you to relax. I laugh at the term. At least the one imposed on me when told, “Take this time and relax” or better yet, “smile, you’re on vacation”.
I I smile a lot. But sometimes it’s hard to smile when you’re clenching your teeth to calm the nausea and momentary wave of lightheadedness from moving too quickly. I know I’m on vacation, but that doesn’t mean parenting or motherhood gets put on hold.
I may not be “relaxing”, but I love this chaos. I love the time I have with my family which includes chasing my half naked daughter so I can scoop out the rocks she has mischievously tucked into her mouth. As a mother, as a parent, I have learned to love the day to day that does not include relaxation. That term that most people use does not resonate with me in the same way. I am at peace and happy watching my daughter play with my grandmother as they whisper to each other as I sit at the edge of my seat in case I need to catch one of them from falling. I would drive outside the city through idiots driving in traffic to sit at a park with my childhood friend and her dog just to watch my daughter play and get to know one of he most important people in my life.
It may not be a relaxing time. It may not be your lifestyle choice, but it is mine.
So just relax, okay?