My dear friend and fellow blogger over here at Talking Baby Bumps brought up the topic of miscarriages this past Friday. I don’t want this topic to just pass by without really being looked at. It is a subject that does not get enough attention leaving many women confused, feeling inadequate, and ashamed, among many other emotions that come with a miscarriage. The situations in which it occurs range from women not trying to get pregnant, not knowing they’re pregnant and losing a baby to others who are fighting with every might to get pregnant and have successful implantation to then lose the baby before full term. The unfortunate reality is that those little sticks we pee on, the ultrasounds we hold onto, those blood tests we take that fill us with such hope don’t always end with a successful pregnancy.
There is no one reason why those precious eggs of ours don’t implant or a miscarriage at any point in pregnancy occurs. Maybe that’s one of the greatest reasons why it is so confusing. What did I do? Did I work out too much? Did I eat enough? Did I drink enough water? Are my hormones messed up? What is wrong with me? That question, there is so much self-blame in that question. It is an incredibly valid one. You, as the woman are responsible for carrying this little thing inside of you that turns into a baby with organs, and a soul. The thing is, it’s not just you who makes that baby. It’s a sperm that meets the egg, though you may not think about that immediately because it is natural to take on the responsibility since we are the ones carrying the babe, they do provide half of the chromosomes. I’m not blaming the man. I’m trying to point out the many factors other than you that play a part. It’s not as easy to get pregnant and carry a pregnancy out full term as so many people think it is. (Another topic all in itself).
After reading up on the subject as I tend to obsessively do about everything pregnancy, birth, childhood, and psychology; I learned that there really isn’t a great deal of information out there. The statistics are all over the place. Some sources said that around 75% of conceptions end in miscarriage blaming abnormalities in the chromosomes. Other sources said only 31% of conceptions end in miscarriage. Another source said that 15-20% with a verified pregnancy will miscarry. I came across another source that said the second most common cause for miscarriage was “incompetent cervixes”; way to really hit a nerve, ass holes. At the end of the day, every situation is different. Every battle is different. What is not different is the fact that miscarriages are common. Common as fuck, and no one talks about them.
No one talks about them.
What isn’t different, though the causes may be different, is that women need support. Partners need support, families need support. There is no support in silence. There is shame around the subject which shouldn’t be. I am not inadequate because I had a miscarriage. You are not inadequate because you had a miscarriage. The topic deserves a conversation. I beg of you to start one, or continue this one. I promise you, whether you are aware of it or not, someone in your life has had a miscarriage—or maybe five. It deserves a conversation filled with love and support.
With patience, love, and support on this hump day,